1. I sit in a hard metal wheelchair- not exactly comfy.
2. I have a hard time hugging back because my arms tend to be either straight out or bent close to my body.
3. I can't ask for, or initiate a hug with words.
Often people rub my head, kiss my cheek or touch my hand- which are also great- but none of those has the benefits of a hug- there just isn't anything quite like it. We did some research about the benefits of hugging and this is what we found in this article at Healthline.com:
1. Scientists say that giving another person support through touch can reduce the stress of the person being comforted. It can even reduce the stress of the person doing the comforting.
2. Researchers found that hugging may reduce the chance a person will get sick. The participants with a greater support system were less likely to get sick.
3. Hugs make you happier because of the chemical oxytocin which is released when you hug.
4. Hugging can reduce fears, stress and pain.
5. The most interesting thing we found out about hugs was how many hugs we need in a day:
A family therapist said, “We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth.”
That's a lot of hugs! I know that my brother and sister probably get a lot more hugs than I do- not because they are cared about more, but because they ask for them. They are able to initiate a hug with mom, dad or anyone else. I know my family loves me, but I'm not sure I'm getting 12 hugs a day to promote growth. Most people pat me on the head or arm, ruffle my hair, or give me a kiss on the head. As much as I love this, it's not the same as a real hug.
In all my years, I have never met someone who knew how to give a wheelchair hug as well as my cousin Clara. I only met her when I was about 10 and she was about 6. She had no problem getting in there and fully embracing all the metal that surrounds me. She put her head on my shoulder and snuggled right in. That made me feel so good. She continues to hug me that way every time I see her! Which, unfortunately isn't very often because she lives all the way in Alaska. We talked to Clara about her wheelchair hugging techniques and this is what she had to say:
Aunt Steph: Clara, how did you know how to give a wheelchair hug?
Clara: My cousin Kai has a wheelchair.
Aunt Steph: Is there a hard part about hugging someone in a wheelchair?
Clara: Probably making sure you don't hug too hard.
Aunt Steph: Can you tell us the steps to giving a great wheelchair hug?
Clara: Bend down so you are as big as them and then give them a hug.
Take if from Clara- it's that easy- just bend down and give them a hug!
I propose we live like Trolls and have designated HUG TIME. When the alarm goes off, we all get a hug- wouldn't that be great! No more awkward moments, just an expectation that hugs are coming!
Here are some tips for giving me a hug:
- If I don't know you well, ask if you can have a hug. I can smile and also make sounds to indicate I do want a hug. If you are not sure, you can ask my mom or dad- they often have an idea how I am feeling.
- You might have to bend down a bit or even go on one knee to give me a hug.
- Help me hug you back by getting my arms up on your shoulders. If they are bent, you might not be able to do that, but you could just put your arms around me.
- Help me lean forward to put your arms around my back, or hug the whole chair!- Hold the hug for longer than you think. Researchers say at 20 seconds is when the oxytocin is released- but that can feel like an awful long time (especially when there is cold metal involved). So, do what feels comfortable, but at least 3 seconds is a good rule of thumb.
So, next time I see ya- I'll be waiting for a hug!
(PS: If your child doesn't want to give me a hug- please don't make them. I'm good with a high 5 or fist bump. I really only want hugs from people who want to hug me:-)
